To Everything There is a Season

Depending on your age and upbringing, that verse will mean one of 3 things to you.  1 - It's the opening line to a song by the Byrds in 1965 Turn Turn Turn, 2 - It's read in Shul on Sukkot and after reading the book you wondered what would have happened if the author (Kohelet) took Prozac or 3 - It's the book of Kohelet, a possible pseudonym for King Solomon.  Although I'm not going to write about any of that, here's a link to the song on YouTube:

What it means to me is that there is a flow to our calendar and it's something that I think about every year at this time.

Passover and Easter are both Spring holidays.  Easter is the Sunday after the first full moon of Spring and Passover begins on the first Full Moon after the first New Moon of Spring.  The Easter Egg and Easter Bunny weren't originally religious symbols, they were fertility symbols.  Passover has agricultural roots, it was originally the time of the Barley harvest in Israel.  Both of these holidays are times of rebirth, both spiritually and in the land.

This time of year, the birds (not The Byrds) come back, the snow is gone, the grass is turning green, the buds are on the trees.  I started planning my vegetable garden, pulled out the lawn mower and I'm getting ready to do some yard work.  Elyse did all of her Passover Shopping, we are in the process of kashering the house for Passover.  My non-Jewish friends are all doing something similar, except they call it Easter Shopping and Spring Cleaning.  Most importantly you can find both Peep and Cadbury Cream and Caramel Eggs in the Supermarkets.

To Every Thing There is a Season and a Time to Every Purpose Under Heaven


No matter what you celebrate, Passover, Easter, the Vernal Equinox, or something else, enjoy it and make it the best you possibly can.

Spring has Sprung?

Today is the first day of Spring.  The Vernal Equinox, when a young man's fancy turns to....

The NCAA Tournament? (I already wrote about that)
Baseball?
Yard Work?

No, none of the above.  It's when I remember the bad jokes my father used to tell me.  And I mean really, really bad ones:

Spring has sprung, de boid is on da wing.  Now ain't dat absoid, I always thought da wing was on de boid (did I tell you my father was from Brooklyn?)

Little birdy in the sky, why'd you poopy in my eye? It could be worse, I'll tell you why, gee I'm glad elephants don't fly


Now you know where my sense of humor comes from.

Happy Spring, get out there and enjoy the weather!

March Madness?

Every year at this time, I find myself swept up in 3 things, the NCAA Basketball Tournament, the end of Spring Training and the beginning of the Baseball season and Golf.  Of the 3, I can honestly say I'm lousy at all of them, but I'm enthusiastic.

Let's start with College Basketball.  I went to SUNY Albany back when it was a Division III Powerhouse.  Take a look at that last sentence for a moment and you can see my problem.  What the hell is a Division III Powerhouse?!?!?!  I remember an article in the NY Times in the late 80's talking about the old Basketball Coach at Albany, Doc Sauers reaching some milestone in wins and being honored for it.  Dean Smith, or Bobby Knight, or some other famous name marveled at the fact that Doc Sauers won that many games without having any scholarships to give out.  So, as you can tell, I don't know diddly about College Basketball but every year I dutifully join in my friends NCAA Pool and donate my $10 to the winner.

Now onto baseball.  I'm a Met's fan.  That should be enough to cause everyone reading this to groan.  My theory is that there are 2 types of Met's fans, the Angry Ones and the Fat Dumb and Happy Ones.  I fall into the later category.  Every Spring I'm hopeful that this will be THE YEAR, the repeat of 1969, 1973, 1986 and 2000 when The Amazin's live up to their name and actually win.  I've read, repeatedly, that the new 2nd wild card would have gone to the Met's if MLB had it in 2007 and 2008 but they didn't have it then and the Mets wouldn't qualify now.  No matter, they're my team, and I love'em.

Now onto Golf.  I actually play the game.  Granted, I play poorly but I play the game.  During the Spring, Summer and into Fall, if the weather's good, I'll try to get out and hit the little white ball.  If I'm lucky, and that's not too often, I'll make it through a round without losing too many balls.  If I'm really lucky, and that's even less frequent, I'll hit the ball well more often then not.  One thing about golfers, we always remember the good shots and try to forget the bad ones.  When I come home from a round, Elyse will ask my how it went and I'll tell her about some shot that I hit off the tee on the 15th hole that went where I wanted it to go. I won't tell her about the next shot that miraculously went backwards 20 yards, I'll have forgotten all about it.

So what ties all of these together?  2 things really, Spring and Optimism.  Every year, I say to myself, "This year I'm going to (pick from the list) A) Win the NCAA Pool B) Watch the Met's win when it counts and C) break 100 regularly.  Does it happen? No, but when it's in the 60's and 70's and the Sun is out, life is good and I'm happy and optimistic.  Isn't life great?

Purim in not the best time to start a diet

Purim is a minor Jewish festival celebrating the victory of the Jewish People in the Persian Empire during the reign of King Xerxes (or Ahaseurus in the Megillah) over the evil forces of Haman, the Viceroy of Persia.  This year, Purim begins Wednesday night, March 7.  That evening we read Megillat Esther (the story of Esther), make loud noise whenever we hear the name Haman and generally have a great time.  Purim is a day that best exemplifies the phrase that all Jews have heard at one time or another, "They tried to kill us, they didn't, let's eat!"

One of the things that we are supposed to do in celebration of Purim is go give Mishloach Manot, gifts of food that we send to each other.  It's a wonderful tradition and a lot of fun.  Most Mishloach Manot baskets come with hamantashen, filled triangular cookies that signify Haman's tri-corner hat, as well as other goodies such as potato chips, pretzels, M&Ms, cookies, granola bars, and so on.  We can send Mishloach Manot through our Shul or through the JCC or, if you're really motivated, you can make your own packages and distribute them to your friends.

So, here at the Schulman household, we have received 4 baskets from friends over the past 3 days.  Baskets with goodies that are almost never in the house, and in fact I'm eating the pretzels as I type.  In addition to those baskets, Elyse, my true Eshet Chayil (Woman of Valor) and Whitney, my younger daughter, both made hamantashen on Sunday.  Did I tell you they are both wonderful bakers?

And here is my problem!!!  I'm trying to lose weight!  I want to be 1/2 the man I used to be!  You're probably not giving me a lot of sympathy, and I don't blame you, but if I had self control I wouldn't be dieting now, would I?  But, just as the Jews in Persia overcame the evil Haman, I too will overcome the evil of hamantashen!  This morning, I was on the elliptical, tomorrow morning I'll do the same, and so on, and so on and so on.

By the way, be on the lookout for a post in about a month that will be titled something like "Passover is not the best time to start a diet..."

If you celebrate Purim, have a Chag Sameach and if you follow the tradition of drinking until you cannot tell the difference between Haman and Moredechai, please be smart and give someone else the keys when you drive home.