Marty's Yahrzeit

Marty Schulman, around 1972

This evening marks my father's 7th Yahrzeit.  A Yahrzeit is the Hebrew Anniversary of when someone dies.  My father died (according to the Jewish Calendar) on 8 Av 5765.  This is notable because the 9th of Av is a Fast Day known as Tisha B'Av, a date that commemorates the destruction of both Temples in Jerusalem, as well as the expulsion of the Jews from Spain and all sorts of other bad things during the course of Jewish History.  Dad hated Tisha B'Av with a passion, he always felt that it was a celebration of defeat and failure, and while he was quite ill at the end, it is fitting perhaps that he chose to not live through one more Tisha B'Av.

I do not want to mourn my father's death, I want the celebrate his life.  My father was a remarkable man in my memory.  Born in 1925, my father grew up in a modest 2 bedroom apartment in Brooklyn.  He had an older brother (Robert) and Uncle (Harry) who lived with him and my grandparents in a 2 bedroom 1 bath apartment in Boro Park.  Dad graduated New Utrecht High School in 1943 (with Buddy Hackett) and ended up being sent to Biloxi Mississippi for Basic Training in the Army.  If you saw the Neil Simon play Biloxi Blues, that was what dad went through.

Dad was wounded in action in November 1944, came home after the war and went to Brooklyn College on the GI Bill.  Not a great student, dad never actually got a Bachelors Degree, but instead went to Brooklyn Law School, graduating in 1952.  That same year he married my mother.  In 1958 Michael was born, they moved to Albany in 1959, Seth was born in 1961 and I came along in 1962.  Dad worked for the State of NY as an Attorney from 1959 to 1988, became a Social Security Judge in 1988 until 1999 and my parents moved to Tampa, Fl in 1988.

Dad loved playing tennis, rooting for the NY Giants (something that was really tough in the 1970s) and was devoted to his family.  Unfortunately for my kids, I've inherited my dad's sense of humor and tell the same crappy jokes he did.

Dad loved Wild Turkey Bourbon, and although I'm a Single Malt Scotch drinker through and through, tonight I'll raise a glass of Wild Turkey on the rocks, and salute his memory.  In Judaism, when we talk about a dead person, we say "Zichrona Le Bracha", "May his memory be for a blessing".  The memory of my father is a blessing for all who know him, especially for my brothers, their families, my wife Elyse, daughters Haley and Whitney and me. 

As we say when we raise a glass L'Chaim! To Life!

What is our responsibility?

I've been following the horror that has unfolded in Aurora Colorado since yesterday morning.  My first thought when I heard about it, and watched the news while getting ready for work on Friday morning was "Oh my God!'  My second thought was for the people that Elyse and I know in that area, were any of them in the theater? did any of them know people who were injured or killed?  Having gotten in touch with them and finding out that they and their families are okay, I started reading more.

First, as I always do, I read articles.  I still find that the NY Times has the best straight reporting of any newspaper, print or online, that I have read.  I then read the quickly put together Op Ed pieces on nytimes.com.  I'm personally middle of the road on gun control but I am not surprised that the prevailing view was that we need stricter gun control. 

Finally, I read the comments on the Op Eds.  I read one that I found particularly disturbing.  The poster wrote that because it is predominantly young adult males that commit most of the crimes using guns in this country (and the poster also mentioned traffic fatalities as well), then we would be best served by writing  laws that restricted gun ownership for that demographic.  That was my second "Oh my God" moment of the day.  I read that comment as a person abdication of responsibility.  Make no mistake, we are responsible for our children's actions.  We teach them right from wrong.  We teach them good from bad.  We all need to live the words of Pirkei Avot (Sayings of the fathers)  "If I am not for myself who will be for me?  If I am only for myself, what am I?  If not now when?"

My heart goes out to the families and victims of this horrific crime.  My heart goes out to the mother of this deranged young man whose first words were apparently "You got the right person".  My thoughts and prayers go out to all of us to make sure that we do everything we can to not allow something like this to happen again.

What the heck am I going to write about?

Writer's Block sucks.  A couple of months back, when I started writing this blog, I promised myself that I would try to post something every week.  Sometimes, the calendar helps, such as Passover and Spring and fun things like that.  Other times, something happens in my life that I might want to write about.  This however isn't one of those weeks. 

I'm stuck.  I can't think of a topic to write about.  I'm at a loss for words (I know that many of you will find that hard to believe).  This reminds me of my days in High School when I had to write a research paper for Social Studies or an essay for English Class.  My teachers always said to research the topic, write  an outline, take the outline and create a rough draft, then a final draft and only then should you start typing. 

For those of you who were born after 1990, we didn't have computers in the Stone Age of the 1970s, we actually went to these places called "Libraries" to look things up in "Card Catalogs" and when we typed things up it was using something called a "Typewriter", but I digress.

Anyway, that was what our teachers told us to do, but I always skipped a few steps and went straight from research to typing.  That worked great, except for the times it didn't.  There's nothing like staring at a blank piece of paper at 11:00 pm the night before your assignment's due to get the adrenaline flowing.  Adrenaline yes, creativity no.   I got my assignments done, didn't always get the greatest grades, but I got them done.

And so, dear readers, this is how I feel about this week.

Weight Loss, Friendship and Facebook

I've mentioned in previous posts that I'm trying to lose weight.  I've been on Weight Watchers on and off for about a year now, following the online program.  One thing that I've been doing to "keep myself honest" is post my weekly change as my Facebook status.  All of that brings me to my reason for writing this week, I find that my friends who reply to my weight loss posts are in general in the same boat I am and we're finding ways to support each other. 

Now, I'm not writing this so you will feel sorry for me, after all I've lost over 10 lbs this year and physically I feel better then I have in a while, nor am I writing this to boast, on the opposite side I've gained about 4 lbs over the past 3 weeks.  I'm writing this because I think I've stumbled onto something interesting, that rather then get teased about what I'm doing, I'm getting a lot of support.  I have friends who post encouragement every week and I have friends who give me encouragement in person.

I have one old friend of mine that I reconnected with on Facebook that is going through the same thing that I am and when she posts how she did, I'm always trying to give her some additional encouragement.  I have another friend that I've known for over 45 years that is tackling a very, very difficult problem and being very open about it.  These are friends that I lost touch with and I'm happy that I can support them as they support me.  I have other friends that I see every week that celebrate my good weeks with me and offer me encouragement when I need it.

All in all, I'm finding that Facebook and my friends, both online and in person, are helping me deal with my day to day issues.  I'm glad that we've found each other again.  I guess true friendship always rises to the surface whether it's been 2 weeks or 20 years since we've seen each other.

What is Middle Age?

This is a question that I have been thinking about lately.  In the book of Psalms (Psalm 90 verse 10) it is written: "The length of our days is seventy years--or eighty, if we have the strength..."  So I guess that means that middle ages is officially between 35 and 40 according to the Psalmist, right?  Both of my parent lived until they were 80 years old, so I guess that means that I was middle aged at 40, or does it really?

I'm asking this question, and frankly writing this blog altogether, because I am going to be turning 50 in about a month and a half.  Now, those of you who like to poke fun will tell me that I'm an old man (generally that would be those of you who are just a little older then me, and you know who you are).  Some of you will tell me that I'm still a kid and others still will relate to what I am writing.

So, coming back to my original question, what is Middle Age?  I think it's really a state of mind, and it's all in how you take care of yourself.  I'm in better shape now then I was 5 years ago, I can run further, I can lift more weights and when I play golf, I don't suck that much (okay, that last part was a lie, I still pretty much suck as much at golf as I did when I was 40, 30 or even 20 but that's not age related).  In many ways, I still feel like a kid, and there are many, many times when I certainly act like a kid, whether I have a couple of drinks too many on a Saturday afternoon, or I get upset and pout or do something equally childish.  I guess the key is that I "act young" whatever that means.

Popular culture will tell you that 40 is the new 30 and 50 is the new 40 whatever that means.  The facts are that I'm 49, soon to be 50, and when my parents were that age I thought they were old.  I don't think my children think the same about my wife and me, but you will have to ask them that.  My parents had a much different youth then I did however.  Both of my parents lived through the depression and my father was injured in World War II.  I, on the other hand, grew up in a nice middle class neighborhood in nice middle class Albany.  We weren't rich, but we didn't lack anything either.  So in that case, I guess I am younger at 50 then my parents were.

I guess there is no true answer to the question, and I guess the question is rather silly.  Middle Age is a state of mind, and it is one that I have no intention of being.  I plan on being young and acting young until the day I die.  That's not going to be easy, because I plan on being around for a long, long time to come, with my wife by my side, and both of us in good health and happiness.

Israel Independence Day

Thursday is Israel Independence Day or Yom Ha'Atzmaut.  It is now 64 years since the State of Israel was founded in 1948.  I am an unabashed supporter of the State of Israel and years ago, when I was in high school and college I strongly considered making Aliyah or moving to Israel and making my life there.

As a Jew, there is something about Israel that appeals to me on a deep emotional level.  As someone in a technology industry, Israel appeals to me on a logical level as well.  So, you may ask, why don't I move to Israel?  That is a very difficult question for me to answer, but I will try.

I went to Israel the first time during the summer of 1979 on a program called USY Israel Pilgrimage.  It was an amazing summer, reinforcing everything that I had learned about Israel in school up to that point.  I fell in love with the land and felt at home like never before.  I swore that I would be back.

In 1982 I had one of the biggest fights I ever had with my parents because they would not give me my passport.  I was either 19 or 20 at the time, and Israel was in the midst of the first Lebanese War and I was going to move to Israel and join the army.  My parents (wise as they were) knew that if I did that, I wasn't coming home and they knew that I needed to finish my college education.  So I did that, I got my bachelors degree in December, 1983.

By the time I graduated, I was in a serious relationship with Elyse, who would become my wife about 2 1/2 years later.  As the John Lennon song says, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans".  Elyse and I settled in New Jersey, started our careers and started our Family.  By the time Haley, our older daughter, went to Israel the 2nd time to spend a gap year there, it had been 30 years since I had been to Isreal.

We went to visit her in 2009. The land had changed and I had changed.  I was no longer a wide eyed 17 year old, but rather an overweight 47 year old.  Israel was no longer a borderline 3rd world country, it was now a country with High Rises, High Tech and High Taxes.  Would I still love the land?  Would it still love me?  The answer to both is yes.

I am proud to say that my love of Israel has been passed down to my children, both of whom have been to Israel multiple times, and to my wife who's love of the land rivals my own.  Am I going to move to Israel?  That's still a very difficult question to answer.  I'd like to say yes, but the reality is that our family is all in this area and living in Israel is more difficult then living in New Jersey.  The one think I can promise you is that it won't be another 30 years before I go back again.

So, Happy Birthday Israel!!!  At 64 you are a mere child amongst the family of nations and I have hopes and dreams that you will be around for many, many, many more years to come.

Why did you call your blog that?

By now, many of you have read my blog, and hopefully you have found it to be either enjoyable or fun.  If I'm really lucky, you don't have a voodoo doll of me with pins sticking into it (Although, my back has been bothering me a little of late, and sometimes I do feel like I'm walking on pins and needles, but... nah... it couldn't be...)

Anyway, the name of my blog is "Have fun storming the Castle".  It is a line from one of my family's favorite movies, "The Princess Bride".  For us, it's just one of those movies will make us stop what we are doing and sit down and watch whenever it's on TV.  I'm not going to get too much into the storyline, but there is a character, Miracle Max, played by Billy Crystal, who is asked to bring the hero Wesley (Cary Elwes), back to life after he's been tortured to death.  At the end of the scene, Wesley is carried out (still dead) by Fezzik (Andre the Giant) and Inigo Montoya (Mandy Patankin) along with a pill that's supposed to revive him.  Miracle Max and his wife Valerie (Carol Kane) wave them off.

So, now you know why the name of my blog is "Have fun storming the castle".  Aren't you glad you know that?

Thoughts on having a 21 year old daughter

I'M NOT OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE A 21 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER!

Well, actually, yes I am.  My daughter Haley just turned 21.  Unfortunately, she went back to school the day before her birthday and it's still Pesach, so there's no celebratory 'Pub Crawl'.  I tried to help her with both by sending her back with a nice bottle of red wine and a bottle of proseco to share with her friends.

I don't condone alcohol abuse, but I am all in favor of its being used responsibly.  Haley spent her freshman year in Israel, where the drinking age is 18.  There, she developed a taste for wine, beer and (gasp) tequila.  I tried telling her numerous times that Schulman's and tequila don't mix, but she didn't listen and as a result, I keep a bottle here for her to drink when she's home on break.

I'm very, very proud of Haley.  (I'm very, very proud of my wife Elyse and our daughter Whitney as well, but I'm writing about Haley, so pay attention).  Haley is an honors student at SUNY Binghamton, she takes her religion seriously and she wants a career where she can help others, probably in the social work area.  That doesn't mean she's always serious though.  Haley's an Ultimate Frisbee addict, she's becoming hooked on spinning and she loves going to Broadway shows with us.  All in all, she's a great kid and I love her very much.

Happy Birthday Haley, may you go from strength to strength and continue to bring joy to your family and friends.

Passover, pass under, what does it all mean?

Passover (Pesach) begins this Friday night.  The first 2 nights, we hold Seders, where we re-tell the story of our redemption from Egypt, accompanied by much food and wine, and generally enjoy being with family and friends.  The reason we call it a Seder, is that there is an order (seder in Hebrew) to the service, one that we all learned when we were children in Hebrew School.

The main part of the Seder is called "Magid" or "telling the story".  There is singing, story telling and rituals that are followed, family by family.  In my home, we sing some of the story in Hebrew, tell some of the story in English, and generally have a good time.  This year, we're going to try something new, I've asked everyone to think about what Pesach or the Seder means to them.  Hopefully it will go over well, and will be the beginning of a new tradition in the Schulman family.

Bottom line?  Pesach, like all Religious and Secular Holidays, is about tradition.  When we sit down for our Seder, I'll think about my father leading Kiddush, my asking the 4 questions (unless we were with my NJ cousins, I was ALWAYS the youngest at the table) and my mother's chicken soup, chopped liver, brisket or turkey.  But I'll also think about the decorations that my girls have made that we put out every year, my wife's brisket, my mother-in-law's soup (almost as good as my mom's but there's disagreement about that), and other things that I hope my girls will remember and build on at their Pesach Seders when they are older.

The Pesach Seder is a serious ritual, but it's also very fun for us.  Isn't that the way the best traditions are?

I know I promised you "Pesach is a lousy time to start a diet", but I decided to go with this, so sue me...

To Everything There is a Season

Depending on your age and upbringing, that verse will mean one of 3 things to you.  1 - It's the opening line to a song by the Byrds in 1965 Turn Turn Turn, 2 - It's read in Shul on Sukkot and after reading the book you wondered what would have happened if the author (Kohelet) took Prozac or 3 - It's the book of Kohelet, a possible pseudonym for King Solomon.  Although I'm not going to write about any of that, here's a link to the song on YouTube:

What it means to me is that there is a flow to our calendar and it's something that I think about every year at this time.

Passover and Easter are both Spring holidays.  Easter is the Sunday after the first full moon of Spring and Passover begins on the first Full Moon after the first New Moon of Spring.  The Easter Egg and Easter Bunny weren't originally religious symbols, they were fertility symbols.  Passover has agricultural roots, it was originally the time of the Barley harvest in Israel.  Both of these holidays are times of rebirth, both spiritually and in the land.

This time of year, the birds (not The Byrds) come back, the snow is gone, the grass is turning green, the buds are on the trees.  I started planning my vegetable garden, pulled out the lawn mower and I'm getting ready to do some yard work.  Elyse did all of her Passover Shopping, we are in the process of kashering the house for Passover.  My non-Jewish friends are all doing something similar, except they call it Easter Shopping and Spring Cleaning.  Most importantly you can find both Peep and Cadbury Cream and Caramel Eggs in the Supermarkets.

To Every Thing There is a Season and a Time to Every Purpose Under Heaven


No matter what you celebrate, Passover, Easter, the Vernal Equinox, or something else, enjoy it and make it the best you possibly can.

Spring has Sprung?

Today is the first day of Spring.  The Vernal Equinox, when a young man's fancy turns to....

The NCAA Tournament? (I already wrote about that)
Baseball?
Yard Work?

No, none of the above.  It's when I remember the bad jokes my father used to tell me.  And I mean really, really bad ones:

Spring has sprung, de boid is on da wing.  Now ain't dat absoid, I always thought da wing was on de boid (did I tell you my father was from Brooklyn?)

Little birdy in the sky, why'd you poopy in my eye? It could be worse, I'll tell you why, gee I'm glad elephants don't fly


Now you know where my sense of humor comes from.

Happy Spring, get out there and enjoy the weather!

March Madness?

Every year at this time, I find myself swept up in 3 things, the NCAA Basketball Tournament, the end of Spring Training and the beginning of the Baseball season and Golf.  Of the 3, I can honestly say I'm lousy at all of them, but I'm enthusiastic.

Let's start with College Basketball.  I went to SUNY Albany back when it was a Division III Powerhouse.  Take a look at that last sentence for a moment and you can see my problem.  What the hell is a Division III Powerhouse?!?!?!  I remember an article in the NY Times in the late 80's talking about the old Basketball Coach at Albany, Doc Sauers reaching some milestone in wins and being honored for it.  Dean Smith, or Bobby Knight, or some other famous name marveled at the fact that Doc Sauers won that many games without having any scholarships to give out.  So, as you can tell, I don't know diddly about College Basketball but every year I dutifully join in my friends NCAA Pool and donate my $10 to the winner.

Now onto baseball.  I'm a Met's fan.  That should be enough to cause everyone reading this to groan.  My theory is that there are 2 types of Met's fans, the Angry Ones and the Fat Dumb and Happy Ones.  I fall into the later category.  Every Spring I'm hopeful that this will be THE YEAR, the repeat of 1969, 1973, 1986 and 2000 when The Amazin's live up to their name and actually win.  I've read, repeatedly, that the new 2nd wild card would have gone to the Met's if MLB had it in 2007 and 2008 but they didn't have it then and the Mets wouldn't qualify now.  No matter, they're my team, and I love'em.

Now onto Golf.  I actually play the game.  Granted, I play poorly but I play the game.  During the Spring, Summer and into Fall, if the weather's good, I'll try to get out and hit the little white ball.  If I'm lucky, and that's not too often, I'll make it through a round without losing too many balls.  If I'm really lucky, and that's even less frequent, I'll hit the ball well more often then not.  One thing about golfers, we always remember the good shots and try to forget the bad ones.  When I come home from a round, Elyse will ask my how it went and I'll tell her about some shot that I hit off the tee on the 15th hole that went where I wanted it to go. I won't tell her about the next shot that miraculously went backwards 20 yards, I'll have forgotten all about it.

So what ties all of these together?  2 things really, Spring and Optimism.  Every year, I say to myself, "This year I'm going to (pick from the list) A) Win the NCAA Pool B) Watch the Met's win when it counts and C) break 100 regularly.  Does it happen? No, but when it's in the 60's and 70's and the Sun is out, life is good and I'm happy and optimistic.  Isn't life great?

Purim in not the best time to start a diet

Purim is a minor Jewish festival celebrating the victory of the Jewish People in the Persian Empire during the reign of King Xerxes (or Ahaseurus in the Megillah) over the evil forces of Haman, the Viceroy of Persia.  This year, Purim begins Wednesday night, March 7.  That evening we read Megillat Esther (the story of Esther), make loud noise whenever we hear the name Haman and generally have a great time.  Purim is a day that best exemplifies the phrase that all Jews have heard at one time or another, "They tried to kill us, they didn't, let's eat!"

One of the things that we are supposed to do in celebration of Purim is go give Mishloach Manot, gifts of food that we send to each other.  It's a wonderful tradition and a lot of fun.  Most Mishloach Manot baskets come with hamantashen, filled triangular cookies that signify Haman's tri-corner hat, as well as other goodies such as potato chips, pretzels, M&Ms, cookies, granola bars, and so on.  We can send Mishloach Manot through our Shul or through the JCC or, if you're really motivated, you can make your own packages and distribute them to your friends.

So, here at the Schulman household, we have received 4 baskets from friends over the past 3 days.  Baskets with goodies that are almost never in the house, and in fact I'm eating the pretzels as I type.  In addition to those baskets, Elyse, my true Eshet Chayil (Woman of Valor) and Whitney, my younger daughter, both made hamantashen on Sunday.  Did I tell you they are both wonderful bakers?

And here is my problem!!!  I'm trying to lose weight!  I want to be 1/2 the man I used to be!  You're probably not giving me a lot of sympathy, and I don't blame you, but if I had self control I wouldn't be dieting now, would I?  But, just as the Jews in Persia overcame the evil Haman, I too will overcome the evil of hamantashen!  This morning, I was on the elliptical, tomorrow morning I'll do the same, and so on, and so on and so on.

By the way, be on the lookout for a post in about a month that will be titled something like "Passover is not the best time to start a diet..."

If you celebrate Purim, have a Chag Sameach and if you follow the tradition of drinking until you cannot tell the difference between Haman and Moredechai, please be smart and give someone else the keys when you drive home.

In memory of Mimi

My mom's Yahrzeit is Tuesday, February 28.  A Yahrzeit, for those who don't know, is the Hebrew Anniversary of someone's death.  Mimi Schulman, my mom, died on Febuary 19, 2010, which also happened to be the 5th of Adar, 5770.  Enough of the Judaism lesson, I want to write about my mom.

Mimi Schulman, nee Zolkin, was born on October 23, 1929.  If you are a history buff, the stock market crash of 1929 started the next day, but I digress.  Mimi married Marty on September 7, 1952 and had 3 children: Michael born in 1958, Seth born in 1961 and me (Jeffrey) born in 1962.  For those of you keeping score at home, that's 3 boys in the span of 3 1/2 years, enough to drive anyone crazy.

Mom was a "stay at home mother", but was always busy with volunteer activities.  When we were at the Hebrew Academy, mom was one of the mothers who helped prepare lunch for the entire school.  She was very active in our Temple's Sisterhood, PTA and Youth Committee and was in Temple for one reason or another almost every day of the week.  Mom was a doer, when I was very young, she and some other women wanted to have a regular study group with our Rabbi, so she and the other ladies arranged for babysitting at the Temple for us.

I've inherited and learned a lot from mom, some good and some not so good.  My love of "Jewish Food", chicken soup with feet, gribbennis, chopped liver, and other things that would make you say "ewww" are all because mom was a wonderful cook, and that's at least part of the reason I take Lipitor today.  I also got my love of reading, of learning and of all things Jewish from mom as well.  When I get up to read Torah, lead a service, teach something at Men's Club or just talk about Judaism, I always think of my mom a little because she helped instill that passion in me.

So, tonight I lit a Yahrzeit candle, fought back a tear and smiled, both at the same time.  Mom, thank you for being my mother, for helping me become who I am, and for all that you did.  I didn't say it enough while you were alive, but I love you.

How about that.

Who Am I?

This is my first shot at writing a blog.

So, you may be asking yourself, who are you and why are you wasting my time writing a blog?  Heck, I'm not sure I know if anyone is out there reading this, but here goes...

My name is Jeff Schulman, That's me on the right with my wife Elyse, and daughters Haley and Whitney (right to left).  I guess I'm an average middle aged guy with a house in the 'burbs, a mortgage, a kid in college and one about to be in college. The picture was taken almost 3 years ago when Haley (my older daughter) graduated high school.  Haley's at SUNY Binghamton right now and doing very well.  Whitney, the one on the end, is a senior in high school and is in the process of applying to colleges.  So far, she's been accepted to 9 schools!

Elyse and I have been married for over 25 years.  We met in SUNY Albany, took  2 classes together, she dropped one and I dropped the other,  and then miraculously started dating about a year later and the rest is history.

All in all, my family life is good, after all, I have a loving wife and 2 wonderful children what more is there?

Well, life is a journey as they say and I'm going to start writing about it.  I hope you enjoy it.