Are New Year's Resolutions worth it?

I'm having a bit of a struggle this year, I want to make some New Year's Resolutions, I really do, but when I've done them in the past, I have not followed through on them.  Not only that, but all of the things that I want to change are cliche, lose weight, spend more time with my family, try new things, etc, etc, etc...

Then I started thinking (which is generally a very bad thing for me to do).  What is the value of having New Year's Resolutions?  Is it simply to create a wish list of things that you want to do and to never look at again?  Of course that can't be it.  Retrospectives and resolutions are something that many of us do in business on an annual basis, but they're called Performance Reviews and Goal Setting.  Those of you who participate in them know that the Performance Review part can be pretty difficult to either give or receive, and that Goal Setting can be useless, unless the 2 are tied together and reviewed regularly.  When the 2 are done properly and taken seriously then they are powerful tools in getting a manager and a staff member to work on the same page together.

Thinking about all of that, I'm going to put together some resolutions and share them with you.  I also intend to come back to them multiple times over the next year and share my progress with you.  In fact, that is one of my resolutions.  Here is my list:

1. Forgive myself.  It's time I learn that I am a human being and human beings make mistakes
2. Lose at least 20 lbs.  Yes, it is a cliche, and many of you have cheered me on when I've been successful in the past.  My father-in-law has set a recent great example by losing a significant amount of weight and I am going to use that for inspiration. 
3. Exercise at least 3x per week. That is critical for resolution 2 but it is also important for me emotionally.  Mornings when I exercise I just feel better.
4. Attend morning services 1 - 2 days per week.  When I was saying Kaddish for my parents I was at services almost every day and it helped me, why shouldn't I continue doing that for me?
5. Write more.  I started this blog a few years ago and let it drop.  There is no reason for me to not carve out the hour or so per week that writing this blog takes.  I enjoy doing it and it makes me feel good.
6. Make more time for my family and friends.  I have local friends that I don't see nearly enough, it's time to change that.
7. Do something new.  Pretty self explanatory, I don't know what it is yet.
8. Be a better husband and father.  This is the most important resolution I can make.  To quote Apollo 13, "Failure is not an option"

I think that this is a pretty solid list of challenges for me to accomplish in 2014.  Each and every one of them are doable and taken together they will help me be a better person. 

Marty's Yahrzeit

Marty Schulman, around 1972

This evening marks my father's 7th Yahrzeit.  A Yahrzeit is the Hebrew Anniversary of when someone dies.  My father died (according to the Jewish Calendar) on 8 Av 5765.  This is notable because the 9th of Av is a Fast Day known as Tisha B'Av, a date that commemorates the destruction of both Temples in Jerusalem, as well as the expulsion of the Jews from Spain and all sorts of other bad things during the course of Jewish History.  Dad hated Tisha B'Av with a passion, he always felt that it was a celebration of defeat and failure, and while he was quite ill at the end, it is fitting perhaps that he chose to not live through one more Tisha B'Av.

I do not want to mourn my father's death, I want the celebrate his life.  My father was a remarkable man in my memory.  Born in 1925, my father grew up in a modest 2 bedroom apartment in Brooklyn.  He had an older brother (Robert) and Uncle (Harry) who lived with him and my grandparents in a 2 bedroom 1 bath apartment in Boro Park.  Dad graduated New Utrecht High School in 1943 (with Buddy Hackett) and ended up being sent to Biloxi Mississippi for Basic Training in the Army.  If you saw the Neil Simon play Biloxi Blues, that was what dad went through.

Dad was wounded in action in November 1944, came home after the war and went to Brooklyn College on the GI Bill.  Not a great student, dad never actually got a Bachelors Degree, but instead went to Brooklyn Law School, graduating in 1952.  That same year he married my mother.  In 1958 Michael was born, they moved to Albany in 1959, Seth was born in 1961 and I came along in 1962.  Dad worked for the State of NY as an Attorney from 1959 to 1988, became a Social Security Judge in 1988 until 1999 and my parents moved to Tampa, Fl in 1988.

Dad loved playing tennis, rooting for the NY Giants (something that was really tough in the 1970s) and was devoted to his family.  Unfortunately for my kids, I've inherited my dad's sense of humor and tell the same crappy jokes he did.

Dad loved Wild Turkey Bourbon, and although I'm a Single Malt Scotch drinker through and through, tonight I'll raise a glass of Wild Turkey on the rocks, and salute his memory.  In Judaism, when we talk about a dead person, we say "Zichrona Le Bracha", "May his memory be for a blessing".  The memory of my father is a blessing for all who know him, especially for my brothers, their families, my wife Elyse, daughters Haley and Whitney and me. 

As we say when we raise a glass L'Chaim! To Life!

What is our responsibility?

I've been following the horror that has unfolded in Aurora Colorado since yesterday morning.  My first thought when I heard about it, and watched the news while getting ready for work on Friday morning was "Oh my God!'  My second thought was for the people that Elyse and I know in that area, were any of them in the theater? did any of them know people who were injured or killed?  Having gotten in touch with them and finding out that they and their families are okay, I started reading more.

First, as I always do, I read articles.  I still find that the NY Times has the best straight reporting of any newspaper, print or online, that I have read.  I then read the quickly put together Op Ed pieces on nytimes.com.  I'm personally middle of the road on gun control but I am not surprised that the prevailing view was that we need stricter gun control. 

Finally, I read the comments on the Op Eds.  I read one that I found particularly disturbing.  The poster wrote that because it is predominantly young adult males that commit most of the crimes using guns in this country (and the poster also mentioned traffic fatalities as well), then we would be best served by writing  laws that restricted gun ownership for that demographic.  That was my second "Oh my God" moment of the day.  I read that comment as a person abdication of responsibility.  Make no mistake, we are responsible for our children's actions.  We teach them right from wrong.  We teach them good from bad.  We all need to live the words of Pirkei Avot (Sayings of the fathers)  "If I am not for myself who will be for me?  If I am only for myself, what am I?  If not now when?"

My heart goes out to the families and victims of this horrific crime.  My heart goes out to the mother of this deranged young man whose first words were apparently "You got the right person".  My thoughts and prayers go out to all of us to make sure that we do everything we can to not allow something like this to happen again.

What the heck am I going to write about?

Writer's Block sucks.  A couple of months back, when I started writing this blog, I promised myself that I would try to post something every week.  Sometimes, the calendar helps, such as Passover and Spring and fun things like that.  Other times, something happens in my life that I might want to write about.  This however isn't one of those weeks. 

I'm stuck.  I can't think of a topic to write about.  I'm at a loss for words (I know that many of you will find that hard to believe).  This reminds me of my days in High School when I had to write a research paper for Social Studies or an essay for English Class.  My teachers always said to research the topic, write  an outline, take the outline and create a rough draft, then a final draft and only then should you start typing. 

For those of you who were born after 1990, we didn't have computers in the Stone Age of the 1970s, we actually went to these places called "Libraries" to look things up in "Card Catalogs" and when we typed things up it was using something called a "Typewriter", but I digress.

Anyway, that was what our teachers told us to do, but I always skipped a few steps and went straight from research to typing.  That worked great, except for the times it didn't.  There's nothing like staring at a blank piece of paper at 11:00 pm the night before your assignment's due to get the adrenaline flowing.  Adrenaline yes, creativity no.   I got my assignments done, didn't always get the greatest grades, but I got them done.

And so, dear readers, this is how I feel about this week.

Weight Loss, Friendship and Facebook

I've mentioned in previous posts that I'm trying to lose weight.  I've been on Weight Watchers on and off for about a year now, following the online program.  One thing that I've been doing to "keep myself honest" is post my weekly change as my Facebook status.  All of that brings me to my reason for writing this week, I find that my friends who reply to my weight loss posts are in general in the same boat I am and we're finding ways to support each other. 

Now, I'm not writing this so you will feel sorry for me, after all I've lost over 10 lbs this year and physically I feel better then I have in a while, nor am I writing this to boast, on the opposite side I've gained about 4 lbs over the past 3 weeks.  I'm writing this because I think I've stumbled onto something interesting, that rather then get teased about what I'm doing, I'm getting a lot of support.  I have friends who post encouragement every week and I have friends who give me encouragement in person.

I have one old friend of mine that I reconnected with on Facebook that is going through the same thing that I am and when she posts how she did, I'm always trying to give her some additional encouragement.  I have another friend that I've known for over 45 years that is tackling a very, very difficult problem and being very open about it.  These are friends that I lost touch with and I'm happy that I can support them as they support me.  I have other friends that I see every week that celebrate my good weeks with me and offer me encouragement when I need it.

All in all, I'm finding that Facebook and my friends, both online and in person, are helping me deal with my day to day issues.  I'm glad that we've found each other again.  I guess true friendship always rises to the surface whether it's been 2 weeks or 20 years since we've seen each other.

What is Middle Age?

This is a question that I have been thinking about lately.  In the book of Psalms (Psalm 90 verse 10) it is written: "The length of our days is seventy years--or eighty, if we have the strength..."  So I guess that means that middle ages is officially between 35 and 40 according to the Psalmist, right?  Both of my parent lived until they were 80 years old, so I guess that means that I was middle aged at 40, or does it really?

I'm asking this question, and frankly writing this blog altogether, because I am going to be turning 50 in about a month and a half.  Now, those of you who like to poke fun will tell me that I'm an old man (generally that would be those of you who are just a little older then me, and you know who you are).  Some of you will tell me that I'm still a kid and others still will relate to what I am writing.

So, coming back to my original question, what is Middle Age?  I think it's really a state of mind, and it's all in how you take care of yourself.  I'm in better shape now then I was 5 years ago, I can run further, I can lift more weights and when I play golf, I don't suck that much (okay, that last part was a lie, I still pretty much suck as much at golf as I did when I was 40, 30 or even 20 but that's not age related).  In many ways, I still feel like a kid, and there are many, many times when I certainly act like a kid, whether I have a couple of drinks too many on a Saturday afternoon, or I get upset and pout or do something equally childish.  I guess the key is that I "act young" whatever that means.

Popular culture will tell you that 40 is the new 30 and 50 is the new 40 whatever that means.  The facts are that I'm 49, soon to be 50, and when my parents were that age I thought they were old.  I don't think my children think the same about my wife and me, but you will have to ask them that.  My parents had a much different youth then I did however.  Both of my parents lived through the depression and my father was injured in World War II.  I, on the other hand, grew up in a nice middle class neighborhood in nice middle class Albany.  We weren't rich, but we didn't lack anything either.  So in that case, I guess I am younger at 50 then my parents were.

I guess there is no true answer to the question, and I guess the question is rather silly.  Middle Age is a state of mind, and it is one that I have no intention of being.  I plan on being young and acting young until the day I die.  That's not going to be easy, because I plan on being around for a long, long time to come, with my wife by my side, and both of us in good health and happiness.

Israel Independence Day

Thursday is Israel Independence Day or Yom Ha'Atzmaut.  It is now 64 years since the State of Israel was founded in 1948.  I am an unabashed supporter of the State of Israel and years ago, when I was in high school and college I strongly considered making Aliyah or moving to Israel and making my life there.

As a Jew, there is something about Israel that appeals to me on a deep emotional level.  As someone in a technology industry, Israel appeals to me on a logical level as well.  So, you may ask, why don't I move to Israel?  That is a very difficult question for me to answer, but I will try.

I went to Israel the first time during the summer of 1979 on a program called USY Israel Pilgrimage.  It was an amazing summer, reinforcing everything that I had learned about Israel in school up to that point.  I fell in love with the land and felt at home like never before.  I swore that I would be back.

In 1982 I had one of the biggest fights I ever had with my parents because they would not give me my passport.  I was either 19 or 20 at the time, and Israel was in the midst of the first Lebanese War and I was going to move to Israel and join the army.  My parents (wise as they were) knew that if I did that, I wasn't coming home and they knew that I needed to finish my college education.  So I did that, I got my bachelors degree in December, 1983.

By the time I graduated, I was in a serious relationship with Elyse, who would become my wife about 2 1/2 years later.  As the John Lennon song says, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans".  Elyse and I settled in New Jersey, started our careers and started our Family.  By the time Haley, our older daughter, went to Israel the 2nd time to spend a gap year there, it had been 30 years since I had been to Isreal.

We went to visit her in 2009. The land had changed and I had changed.  I was no longer a wide eyed 17 year old, but rather an overweight 47 year old.  Israel was no longer a borderline 3rd world country, it was now a country with High Rises, High Tech and High Taxes.  Would I still love the land?  Would it still love me?  The answer to both is yes.

I am proud to say that my love of Israel has been passed down to my children, both of whom have been to Israel multiple times, and to my wife who's love of the land rivals my own.  Am I going to move to Israel?  That's still a very difficult question to answer.  I'd like to say yes, but the reality is that our family is all in this area and living in Israel is more difficult then living in New Jersey.  The one think I can promise you is that it won't be another 30 years before I go back again.

So, Happy Birthday Israel!!!  At 64 you are a mere child amongst the family of nations and I have hopes and dreams that you will be around for many, many, many more years to come.